Valentine’s Day had come and gone! Perhaps for many they look forward to the next Valentine’s Day in 2008. What did we do yesterday? Well, nothing! I guess coming into our 35th year in marriage, we do not need such events to remind us of our commitments to each other but of course it is always good to express or articulate love as often as we can for whether you are male or female we need love. Moreover since the stroke, Rock is uncomfortable with crowds, noisy places and unfamiliar environments. So I cooked a meal for the both of us and talked.
What did we do yesterday? We reminisces about when we first met, about her father chasing me away from the house and told me that I came to visit too often and how we fell in love with each other. Honestly I fell in love with her Curries first! Rock is a fantastic cook and her Curries are one of the best around. Perhaps she discovered the secret of getting a man’s heart through his stomach and I am definitely an easy catch since I love food and especially Curries.
We also reminisces about the couples that we know who are divorced now. Reflecting on this, I noticed that it is more and more difficult for the present generation to stay married. Divorce rates are climbing not only in the West but also in the more traditional cultures in the East as well. It is alarming enough for Governments round the world to set-up various departments to study, give counsel as well as prevent divorces and very often they recruit the religious leaders of the major religions to join in their various forums.
I am sure the reasons are complex, multi-dimensional and also difficult to lay a finger on. My belief is that people get married because they love each other, sincerely, truly, and deeply enough to take the step. Then through the years be it few or many, something went wrong in the relationship and from “I cannot live without you” to “I cannot live with you anymore”. So what went wrong?
I read a Book titled “Hiding From Love” ( featured here under Book of the Week) and it was mind opening for me. It never occurred to me, even through years of being married and staying married that there is such a thing called Hiding From Love. What I learnt is that hiding is not always a conscious process. At times due to our deep hurts and immaturities, we isolate ourselves for so long that we no longer have access to certain thoughts, feelings or memories and we do not know how to reconnect back to those we love. The Book also explains about Helpful Hiding and Harmful Hiding and HOPE for those in hiding! Very good read indeed!
Lee Eunjun
Jeong Da-bin
Yuni
Today in our local newspapers, there was this report about a Korean actress Jeong Da-bin, age 27, committed suicide on Saturday 10th February. Another high profile young Korean female pop-singer Yuni, also committed suicide recently and in 2005 another 24 year old Korean film star Lee Eunjoo also died in such manner.
They were all successful in their careers, young and beautiful, having a great future.. There was an implication that cyber attacks on these women was named as a plausible cause for the suicides. Many internet users, taking advantage of anonymity, had made a hobby of writing malicious messages on websites, accusing celebrities of sex scandals. These poor ladies were reported to have had gone through prolonged period of depression. Whether this was the cause or not, we do not know.
This serves as a reminder to myself to be utterly careful and have a sense of responsibility in what I blog about. The freedom of expression available from the web must not be taken as a right to cause pain, suffering and even embarasment to another fellow human being. How I wish Jeong, Yuni and Lee had chosen otherwise.
Stroke recovery is a slow, challenging, painful and tearful process for the survivor as well as the family caregiver. I saw the struggle Rock goes through in her recovery and it is never fast enough to the survivor. Many times she broke down and sob while going through the daily exercises to build her strength in her affected muscles, perhaps the difficulties, the pain in those affected parts plus my lack of empathy in her struggle and keep pushing her on.
One day, Rock sort of stop pushing herself and later I found out that she gave up hope of recovery after reading an article published in our local newspaper saying that after six months if there were no sign of movement then it is all hopeless! What a thing to say and how such articles affect a stroke survivor. It took me quite some time to encourage her to persevere with her exercises.
Well, the truth is that neuro doctors now believe that this is not true and the brain can grow back those nerves from the undamaged part to link to the damaged part. They discovered that even after a few long years, recovery is still possible. So recovery is a reality and with continuous physiotherapy and determination, a stroke survivor can regain her mobility perhaps not 100% but perhaps 90%.
So to you, stroke survivors keep exercising, eat smart and holding on to this belief and one day you will be glad that you did! I am taking Rock for a two day break, visiting her sister in a remote part of our country and so sort of out of the cyber space and leave this encouragement for you. Keep doing your exercises!
I called my blog the 3L’s and today I want to blog about the 3R’s of being Chinese. To me I think the Chinese race is perhaps the most unique in this world! Chinese are unique not because they are any better off, smarter or more capable than the other races. They are unique because they can exist in three different Realms in this universe! What do I mean by that?
The Physical Realm :
When a Chinese is born into this world, he or she is just like any other human beings with creaturely needs, aspirations and desires. Just like you and I.
The Spiritual Realm :
When a Chinese dies, he or she becomes a Ghost! That is why you see many Chinese funeral ceremonies hinged on that belief! Then on the third day or so, the departed spirit would supposedly come back to the house for a visit! I remembered everyone in my family went to bed at 8 pm that evening for none of us want to bump into granny. I was just a kid then and I can still remember the fear in my heart.
The Heavenly Realm :
Well, after the usual 49 days or 7 weeks after death, the family begin to worship the dead on a home made altar! He or she becomes a ‘god’! We can asked for blessings from this ‘god’ and usually lottery numbers etc.
So don’t you think that the Chinese are a unique lot of people who can, in a life time, evolve from human to ghost and then to a ‘god’. I wonder what will happen to the Theory of Evolution if Charles Darwin was born a Chinese……….
What causes a Stroke ? There are many causes and some of these are beyond our control and some we can control!
Beyond Our Control :
- Age - the older you are the higher the risks.
- Gender - males are at higher risks than females.
- Race - Blacks, Hispanics, Asians have higher risks than Whites.
- Family History.
- Prior Stroke, TIA or Heart Attack.
Within Our Control :
- High Blood Pressure - keep within less than 140/90.
- Heart Disease - artrial fibrillation should be treated.
- Smoking - should be avoided.
- High Cholesterol - should be lowered.
- Diabetes - should be controlled.
- Obesity - the more over weight the higher the risk.
- Excess Alcohol Intake - should be avoided.
- Physical Inactivity - being inactive increases your risk.
A stroke survivor must learn to eat smart so as to prevent a recurrence. A low salt, low fat and low cholesterol diet will be needful and helpful. Here are some tips as a guide.
Count Carbs :
Carbohydrates is a tremendous source of glucose which your brain needs. So do not use low-carb diet to lose weight. A nutritionist can recommend a diet-plan especially if you have diabetes.
Go For :
Grains, Fruits and Vegetables. Meat and dairy products are high in saturated fats which increases stroke risks. Choose lean meat, chicken, fish and non fat dairy products.
