The Arithmetics of Relationships
I presume that there comes a time in one’s life, we ponder on people around us and how our relationships changed. These people may be our immediate circle of friends, relatives or in certain cases the immediate family members!
Remembered a ‘philosophical friend’ said this about people in our lives :-
- Category A. - Those who matters.
- Category B. - Those who never did.
- Category C. - Those who no longer matter.
- Category D. - Those who always will.
Do you have friends in the above broad Categories? I’m sure most of us do! I ponder upon on my own list and asked myself the basis of my own Categorization! I noticed certain characteristics in our relationships that influence the process.
Those Who Matters :
These are those who have a genuine concern for you and call up every once in awhile to ask about you! Characteristically speaking, they keep in touch with an occasional email or postcard or if not a telephone call. They are the ones who invited you to join them for dinners or day trips, shopping trips, holiday trips and we shared memorable, wonderful, moments in the past. They are the ones who call you for advice or help and vice-versa.
Those who Never Did :-
No real contact apart from meeting in social gatherings such as in Church for Christmas etc.. Although we have known each other for quite some time, but there is very little to totally no bonding taking place apart from the terse hello and good-bye or how are you clichés! You hardly can recall any meaningful exchanges.
Those Who No Longer Matter :
It is rather difficult to find people in this Category. Of course in a divorce situation, your Ex belongs here! Apart from that, perhaps a broken relationship that sets us apart and there is no effort on either side to mend the relationship for whatever reasons.
To my astonishment, I find most of my work or business contacts fall into this Category! It looks like the feeling is rather mutual! We just slowly lost all contact and we don’t miss one another! No wonder they say in the world of business and money, relationships are paper-thin!
Those Who Always Will :
Family members come to mind instantly but I do acknowledge it’s not the case for everyone. Furthermore these are the ones who, although seldom call, seldom visit but they are forever part of our lives which is intricately intertwined. It seems the saying ‘blood is thicker than water’ is true.
Another group that come under this Category are good friends, relatives etc. Certain work-mates, business associates are considered under good friends to simplify matters. We do keep in touch, invite each other for the occasional get-together. One characteristic that stands out is the fact that we did share some memorable moments in the past! It could be a tragedy, a joint project or perhaps a common girlfriend!
However, over time I do notice that some of them get re-classified into Category C, either due to loss of contact, re-locate, migrated…... It can also be changes in social groups such as Cell Groups in a Church context and we no longer have time together as before.
In closing, I find this a rather amusing pondering and it tells a lot about our relationship with others. This is one life experience or life lessons all of us go through! If we do the arithmetic, and if we ended up having more of Category A and less of Category B and C; I think, in my humble opinion, our net-sum in life says that we do have some real friends and hopefully without any serious enemies!
Finally, my ‘philosophical friend’ have this to say as well :
Don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future. Be kinder than necessary, because everyone you meet in life, is fighting some kind of battle!
